To the kitchen sink,
LLP: This author shares their powerful outlook on coping with their anxiety and depression; there will always be bad days, but never forget that there will also be good days as well.
Nobody thinks what I think, nobody dreams when they blink. I think things are after me, that’s my catastrophe. I’m a kitchen sink. You don’t know what that means, because a kitchen sink to you is not a kitchen sink to me.
Are you searching for purpose? Then write something, paint something, write pointless curses and nonsense verses; you’ll see purpose start to surface. No one else is dealing with your demons; this means maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning, friend.
Nobody thinks what you think, no one; empathy might be on the brink of extinction. They’ll play a game and say they know what you’re going through. But they don’t know you, and neither do I.
My mother taught me this trick: if you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning. For example, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework. See? Nothing. Our existence, she said, is the same way. You watch the sunset too often, it just becomes six p.m. You make the same mistake over and over and you stop calling it a mistake. If you just wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake u,p wake up, one day you’ll forget why .
But I don’t ever want you to forget. You know how in winter it gets so cold and you think it will never be hot again? And in summer it gets so hot that you think it’ll never be cold again? I think that’s how it is with your feelings. Like when you’re sad, you think that you’ll never be happy and when you are happy, you think that you will never be sad. But you will be hot again and you will be cold again; you will be sad again, but most of all, you will be happy again. If you never break, you’ll never learn how to put yourself back together.
One day you will figure out how to glue the pieces back together with no one else’s help. You don’t need to depend on anyone because you will always be everything you’ll ever need in life. Do not thank anyone in your life for teaching you how to survive. Instead, remember that the ocean never handed you the gift of swimming; you gave it to yourself.
It’s okay if you didn’t get out of bed this morning. It’s okay if you didn’t pass that test. Sometimes it’s okay if all you did today was breathe.
But I hope one day you are at peace with yourself. I hope you can take a shower without crying and you can close your eyes without thinking about your funeral. I hope one day you start singing in the shower again and are happy for no reason.
I hope you get better and overcome your anxiety and depression, because you really deserve to.
And if you haven’t heard it yet today: I’m proud of you.
It’s okay not to be okay.